hey hey friends!
Sorry for the delay in posting- I had surgery about two weeks ago and honestly, my energy levels have been so down in the dumps lately, that I've only been sleeping and watching TV. Now that I'm up and at 'em a little more, I decided to write a post that I've wanted to write for a while. I've spoken about how I want my blog to be more "real" and interesting, and at the end of the day, I just want it to be a place where people can see something that they relate to.
That being said, the thing I'd like to talk about is sex. (Which to me is a decently relatable topic, but also, just an important topic).
When I say that I want to talk about sex, I mean, I want to talk about owning your own sexuality. I define sexuality as your own relationship with sex- this encompasses your past experiences, your wants, your needs, your chosen partners, and so on and so forth. I'm someone that's grappled with my own sexuality and my own relationship with sex (and the idea of sex) for ages and it's something that has taken a really long time to come to terms with- I'm sure my relationship with it will grow over time, as I have a lifetime of experiences ahead of me.
I've been lucky enough to grow up in a sex positive household and a feminist household- two things that go hand in hand and that work wonders when you're a young girl wondering how the hell to navigate the overly sexualized society we live in. My mom gave me "the talk" for the first time flat out when I was six after a friend miseducated me and I ran home shouting about how babies are made in your ear. Turns out, I was wrong (boy, was I wrong) and my mom decided to sit me down then and there and explain how it actually worked instead of waiting for me to find out from the internet or TV. That also wasn't the last or only time we had that conversation. Sex is a completely okay topic in our household, and one that's never really shied away from by anyone in our house- something that I'm very very grateful for. It's given me a leg up in terms of being comfortable talking to other people about sexuality, because it's something I was given the chance to talk about and educate myself about in a healthy way from a young age.
That being said, the main issue that I've grappled with over the past year of coming to terms with my sexuality, is that of owning my sexuality and talking about it openly. For those who are close with me or know me well, I'm an open book. For those that aren't so close, I'm still an open book, just not quiiiiite as open. However, I'd like to be able to get to the point where I can talk about sex as candidly in public and in private because I think that talking about sex openly is one of the best things that we can do for ourselves and our relationships (and not just our romantic ones!).
I believe that owning your sexuality and talking about it openly is something that allows you to do three incredibly positive things. Firstly, talking about sex openly allows you to begin to peel back this huge taboo that surrounds the idea of sex. Secondly, it allows you to use your experiences and others' experiences as a jumping off point for educating others and keeping sex safe. Thirdly, it allows you to celebrate sex for being fun and enjoyable and allows you to celebrate yourself! Sex, and your own sexuality, is a place where you can be your most confident, your most vulnerable, and your most empowered.
I've found that talking about sex openly allows me to be more empowered in both my public and my private life. It reminds me that women can be as sexual as they please (or as not sexual as they please) because it's their own choice and they empower themselves by making whichever choice is best for them. It reminds me that women of power can also be sexual and be candid about their sexuality, because it means they're embracing a part of themselves. It reminds me that I have the capability to be my most vulnerable with another human and somehow "live to tell the tale". Being open and candid about sex and sexuality is something that can take a really long time, and that's totally fine/okay/normal! It's also important to take your time talking about sex or to not talk about sex if it really just puts you in a mental space that isn't healthy for you. Taking care of yourself and your sexuality is important, whether it means embracing it, working on it by yourself, or working on it with other people, or putting it aside for a while. I've found that talking about sex and sexuality with other people really helps me work through my issues with my own definition of my sexuality, but that's not the case for everyone.
I've found that opening a door to talking about sex is something that allows other people to feel comfortable to talk about it as well. For a lot of people, talking about sex is often sometimes just as vulnerable as the actual act of sex itself. Throwing down your walls and starting a conversation about something that isn't always comfortable is a surefire way to help someone else break down their walls too. And sometimes, sitting in the discomfort together is a really good way to learn something about yourself.
Hope y'all liked this post! I was definitely really nervous to write it, but I would like to start writing more about sexuality regularly on here as it's something that's pretty important to me! If there's any posts you'd like to see, definitely comment below or shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.