Taking a Step Back

Hey hey y'all!

Hope you are well. I wanted to talk about something today that's been on my mind recently, and that's the idea of intentional living. I've seen this topic thrown around everywhere- facebook, instagram, blogs, journals, insta bios- I mean everywhere. I think it's a really great concept when it boils down to it- you're putting intent and thought into every action and word of your life. 

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Over the past few weeks, I've found myself feeling off kilter. You know that sort of feeling like you're teetering on a tightrope and you're worried you might fall? I'm not so much worried I might fall, but I'm surely feeling unbalanced. I've been dealing with some weird health issues and a lot of fatigue lately, but mostly a feeling of unmotivation in doing many things, and a feeling like I have no idea what the next step is in my life. Because of this, I've decided to take a step back and focus on me. It's strange the way I've sort of pulled back. I've kind of dropped off the face of the earth in terms of social media (like had to be reminded to thank people for posting for my birthday....) and I've spent time pulling away from meeting new people, and spent more time retreating into myself. To someone who's heavily an extrovert, this has certainly felt isolating and to an extent, anti-thetical to who I am as a person. (I almost feel like "I'm not giving the people what they want", and then I have to slap myself in the face for being so dramatic and egotistical). 

In reality, I'm watching change happen in the world around me, and I'm watching that change affects me. I'm seeing friends graduate college, move to new places and become adults. I'm watching myself look towards that adult world, while still being "stuck" in school. I'm watching my sister go off to college, seeing my own chapter close on that world in a few months. This change is certainly prompting a lot in me. I've found myself actually looking into this concept of intentional living and trying to come up with what it means for me. It's been a struggle to grasp and find how it fits into my life, and there are times where I get pushed off balance, like this week. But in reality, I've found that putting intention into where I spend my time and my energy has made me feel more productive and happier over all. 

I've spent a good deal of time making goals (like 5 year goals way ahead of time), and breaking them into manageable chunks per month, per week, per day. I've found myself changing my routine. I've found myself having to be harsh and a little bit rough on myself to actually kick my butt into gear. and it feels good! 

All this to say, I felt like for the past 6 months I was living my life pretty blindly. Making routines through convenience, stumbling through choices in terms of myself and ignoring what I needed and what I wanted and what I craved, both short term and long term. I've found that getting a swift kick in the butt by reality is what I needed to realize that I have to grow with change, and not against it. 

How have you been approaching change in your life?