Hi y'all! Happy day! Hope everyone is doing absolutely amazing with fall drawing near. I've been trucking through my junior year of school for almost three weeks now (screams everywhere) and things are a little bit crazy, to say the least.
I'm currently back in school for the semester, and I'll be fully honest with you, there are times where my heart is in my throat for a day or two. Being back in school is something that usually gives me a spike in anxiety right when I get back here, but after a while, it subsides because I'm with my friends and I have a wonderful support system here on campus.
The reason I get anxious? Being back in school means I literally have every hour of my weekdays scheduled out to the brim with things to do: meetings on campus with every type of administrator, lunch and dinner with friends, study sessions, homework that needs to be finished, and projects that need to be completed, not to mention sorority meetings, and all types of expectations to be fulfilled from every direction. None of these are bad things either on their own or together, but when there are a lot of things going on, it's easy to get overwhelmed.
To explain what I do on campus this fall, I'm taking a full course load: one Psych seminar, one Environmental Science lab and lecture, and two Public Health seminars. I'll also be TA'ing a Psych lab once a week, which involves attending the three hour lab, holding an office hour once a week, and grading.
Extracurricularly, I'm a campus manager for University Tees, so I manage apparel orders for some chapters and clubs on our campus. I also am on Executive Council for my sorority, as many of you know, as the Public Relations Vice President, and that takes up honestly at least 20 hours a week of my time right there. And I blog, y'all! I don't wanna give up Molly Em just 'cause I'm busy. And to be honest, I'm also a regular college student on top of that- I want to hang out with my friends as much as possible, go out and explore and soak up New York City, go on dates, go shopping, the works!
To be honest, I LOVE being busy, but I won't lie: there are days where I get overwhelmed. Luckily for me, it's not every day and there are more days than not when I feel really good and like I can handle everything that I have on my plate. I'm someone who doesn't like having nothing to do (except when I'm decompressing on school breaks) on a regular basis, and having a super busy routine is something that keeps me on my toes and feeling like I'm doing everything I can to soak up every aspect of the college experience.
Yes, I recognize that this can create a high-stress environment (sometimes ridiculously so), but there are times (more often than not) that I thrive in those situations.
However, I'll say this, the school that I'm at (Columbia U/Barnard) creates an environment where being high-stress and crazy busy is the norm. I know that whenever I haven't been this busy, like maybe when I didn't have an internship, or when I wasn't holding an exec position in my sorority, I've felt like I wasn't doing ENOUGH. I felt like everyone else was doing more than me and therefore was worth more than me. Obviously, this isn't true. For however busy I am, I do not think anything less of people who choose to have more free time than me. As someone that creates a busy as hell schedule for themselves, I would only say to do the most only if you want to. Don't do it for other people and don't do it to be more like others or even better than others. Do it because you thrive on creative energy and you enjoy being busy.
I like being busy because it keeps my mind busy. I'm an honest person about my anxiety and having anxious thoughts is only made worse by an idle mind for me. If almost every moment of my day is filled with routines and activities, I feel like I'm doing everything I can to be a full human in a way. It's a weird way to think about things, but it helps me to justify my crazy schedule to people who don't get it and to myself when I feel overwhelmed,
I thrive on being busy and that's okay, but it's also okay to be nervous or apprehensive about being so busy. I get excited about being this busy, but I also get nervous, and part of that is just the being back in school apprehension that everyone experiences and that's okay.
I hope y'all enjoyed the super long rant about crammed schedules and anxiety. How do you feel about being back to school and how do you like your schedule to be- busy or wide open? How do you deal with your anxiety?