Hope everyone's week is going absolutely smashingly- it's finally fall here in New York and it's FRIIIIDAY! Those are two things that make me ridiculously happy. As I write this, I'm currently cozied up on my apartment's couch in a big Gamma Phi sweatshirt with a cozy blanket and tea and it feels so nice!
I just wanted to pop in and write a post from the heart. I had a difficult time writing this- not because it was particularly emotional for me, but it's just difficult for me to explain what I'm feeling/what I mean in so many words.
I've been having a really hard two weeks for what seems to be no reason at all, yet also every reason possible. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions with lots of different things playing into it, with personal issues rearing their heads, along with midterms and stress coming from different extracurriculars. In the past two weeks in particular, I've felt like college is really trying me more than ever, yet at the same time, I feel somewhat grateful for the trying time, because it's a time in which I'm actually learning things about myself and growing as a person.
The one thing I've noticed (and when I say this, it's going to sound much more conceited than I mean it to) is that people tend to think I have my life together here on campus and that I "have it all" when in reality, I very much don't have my life together. I completely get that to the outside world, I look like my life is on track- I am not outwardly having any difficulties in any of my classes, I hold a leadership position in my chapter and I'm involved in the chapter as a sister, I have a close relationship with my little, I live with some of my best friends, I look like I feel fulfilled by everything I do, I go out on the weekends, and can be seen out and about. From the outside, I look like everything is going exactly as life "should be" in college. I just think it's completely wild that from my own perspective, there are times (and quite a lot in the past two weeks) where everything feels like it's spinning out of control or like things are just slipping through the cracks.
I remember my freshman year, sitting in my bed and feeling absolutely beside myself because I was so overwhelmed with FOMO and felt like I was missing out on everything "college" and that everyone was having such a great time and I was just adjusting to college about 20 steps behind everyone else. One of my friends pointed out to me that everyone else is probably having as rough a time adjusting as I am, but just like me, only the best parts of their lives go onto social media, so for the most part, everyone looks like they have things together and everything is going well for everyone else, so people probably thought I was doing super well and enjoying college to the fullest too. For me, reaching out and talking honestly to people who looked like their lives were together helped me realize that everyone else was just as uncomfortable and confused on campus as I was.
Now, two years later, I feel somewhat the same way. Except, now, I've come to the realization that other people look at me as though I'm one of those people who has college completely figured out, when in all honestly, I'm kinda just bopping around and figuring things as they go. It's comforting for me to look back to two years ago and realize that NO ONE who looks like they have everything figured out usually does. Everyone is just as confused as everyone else and no one really has everything figured out.
I think it's really important for people to be aware that having it all (i.e. a full social life, good sleep schedule, regularly working out, getting good grades, eating healthfully, loving classes, getting along with friends, not feeling overwhelmed, and being heavily involved in tons of organizations) in college is something that's often virtually impossible to attain. It's easy to think that everyone around you has their stuff together and you don't, but in reality, they probably think the exact same thing about you. College is a learning process, as is life in general, but don't pay too much attention to the Instagrams and Facebook posts. Everyone has bad days and I think that now, when we can see what people choose to post about their lives, it's easy to get caught up in the way people choose to show their lives, not the way they actually are.
Hope y'all enjoyed my little post from the heart. This idea has been circling my mind quite a lot recently and I just wanted to share it with you.